- 旧译一首
1981年,上大学三年级的时候,所学课本里有一个短篇科幻小说There Will Come Soft Rains。作者Ray Bradbury。小说描写一个高科技房屋在主人被核战争消灭以后自我运行的情况。读起来很有点creepy。无聊之极的时候,房屋朗诵起了美国反战诗人萨拉-绮思黛尔Sara Teasdale 的同名诗歌。绮思黛尔的诗是第一次世界大战后写的,描写战后大自然自我继续的情形。Bradbury的小说题目就是出自这首诗。
There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;
And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;
Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
当时学了课文之后,我把这首诗翻译成这样:
细 雨 霏 霏 满 地 香 ,燕 子 飞 徊 柔 声 唱 。素 装 尽 看 荒 郊 李 ,蛙 声 听 取 夜 色 塘 。红 羽 妆 成 画 眉 美 ,清 歌 小 蓠 诉 奇 想 。岂 念 烽 火 映 干 戈 ,谁 虑 败 寇 与 成 王 。世 间 纵 是 人 绝 灭 ,鸟 木 无 心 为 断 肠 。一 朝 春 梦 断 不 知 ,人 面 桃 花 两 茫 茫 。
如今再看,只想做些许改动:
细 雨 霏 霏 沃土 香 ,燕 子 飞 徊 柔 声 唱 。素 装 尽 看 春 郊 李 ,蛙 声 听 取 夜 色 塘 。红 羽 妆 成 画 眉 美 ,清 歌 小 蓠 诉 奇 想 。岂 念 烽 火 映 干 戈 ,谁 虑 败 寇 与 成 王 。世 间 纵 是 人 绝 灭 ,鸟 木 无 由 痛 断 肠 。一 朝 春 醒 断 不 知 ,人 面 桃 花 两 茫 茫 。
- posted on 05/23/2010
小方翻得很好。可是,古文就没有现代语来得沸腾和张扬,乐器一换,舞台灯光也会变,原作者的那首,可能是一曲破了光影的大提琴,你手里的,算是一支绝妙的小城婉笛,都非常好听,但却有不一样的明亮和颜色。
看了你的其他八十年代的诗和译,读得很有趣,底蕴在,技巧也在。纳闷你为什么要把它们掖许多年,酒窖突然打开啦? :)
感想完毕,继续潜伏。
fanghuzhai wrote:
旧译一首
当时学了课文之后,我把这首诗翻译成这样:细 雨 霏 霏 满 地 香 ,燕 子 飞 徊 柔 声 唱 。素 装 尽 看 荒 郊 李 ,蛙 声 听 取 夜 色 塘 。红 羽 妆 成 画 眉 美 ,清 歌 小 蓠 诉 奇 想 。岂 念 烽 火 映 干 戈 ,谁 虑 败 寇 与 成 王 。世 间 纵 是 人 绝 灭 ,鸟 木 无 心 为 断 肠 。一 朝 春 梦 断 不 知 ,人 面 桃 花 两 茫 茫 。
如今再看,只想做些许改动:
细 雨 霏 霏 沃土 香 ,燕 子 飞 徊 柔 声 唱 。素 装 尽 看 春 郊 李 ,蛙 声 听 取 夜 色 塘 。红 羽 妆 成 画 眉 美 ,清 歌 小 蓠 诉 奇 想 。岂 念 烽 火 映 干 戈 ,谁 虑 败 寇 与 成 王 。世 间 纵 是 人 绝 灭 ,鸟 木 无 由 痛 断 肠 。一 朝 春 醒 断 不 知 ,人 面 桃 花 两 茫 茫 。
- Re: 旧译一首 There Will Come Soft Rainsposted on 05/23/2010
http://yidian.org/articlelist.php?tid=2357&starttime=0&endtime=0
They have been on line for a long time. - posted on 05/24/2010
发挥一把.
There Will Come Soft Rains
细雨欲飘落
There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;
任细雨缠绕丝丝青发, 深吸一口泥土的芬芳,
看乳燕翻飞, 和着她的呢喃我轻吟岁月情殇;
And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;
月色如水, 结伴的青蛙低唱池塘三月的韶光,
荒野不老,树树李花悸动着青春纯洁的狂放;
Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
为赶前世的约会, 知更鸟着一袭火红的盛装,
静候在矮篱上, 梳理着藏满羽翼的奇思怪想;
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.
尘世不绝的烽烟, 怎能翻越滚滚的红尘万丈,
谁在意成败谁家, 曲终人散, 留下一场空荡.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
人类会否最终毁灭, 你我他, 谁又会多思量,
鸟雀在云天展翅歌唱, 树叶在风中簌簌做响;
And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone
拂晓的鸟鸣, 惊醒醉梦的春天,零乱了残妆,
顾不得留意随风远去的世人,却见烟水苍茫。
- posted on 05/24/2010
my goodness, what passion!
只是过客 wrote:
发挥一把.
There Will Come Soft Rains
细雨欲飘落
There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;
任细雨缠绕丝丝青发, 深吸一口泥土的芬芳,
看乳燕翻飞, 和着她的呢喃我轻吟岁月情殇;
And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;
月色如水, 结伴的青蛙低唱池塘三月的韶光,
荒野不老,树树李花悸动着青春纯洁的狂放;
Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
为赶前世的约会, 知更鸟着一袭火红的盛妆,
静候在矮篱上, 梳理着藏满羽翼的奇思怪想;
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.
尘世不绝的烽烟, 怎能翻越滚滚的红尘万丈,
谁在意成败谁家, 曲终人散, 留下一场空荡.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
人类会否最终毁灭, 你我他, 谁又会多思量,
鸟雀在云天展翅歌唱, 树叶在风中簌簌做响;
And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone
拂晓的鸟鸣, 惊醒醉梦的春天,零乱了残妆,
顾不得留意随风远去的世人,却见烟水苍茫。
- Re: 旧译一首 There Will Come Soft Rainsposted on 05/24/2010
这个翻译有点大发了。老方的翻译使用旧体诗,比较有控制。即便用现代诗,按照老方的风格,也不会渲染太多。 - Re: RE: 旧译一首 There Will Come Soft Rainsposted on 05/28/2010
个人觉得,翻译是一份节制的差事,忠于原作是第一位,个人发挥是第二位。虽然抛开原文,都是好诗o(∩_∩)o - posted on 05/28/2010
各位高人高见, 谢了!!
There Will Come Soft Rains
细雨欲落
There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,
细雨欲落, 泥土芬芳,
燕子翻飞, 婉啭鸣唱.
And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.
蛙声四起, 夜笼池塘,
荒野李花, 洁白飘香.
Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
知更鸟儿, 披上红裳,
矮篱之上, 痴吟梦想.
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,
战火燃烧, 堙灭真相,
成败谁家, 世人皆忘.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
人类相残, 终会消亡,
鸟木无心, 处哀不伤.
And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
春神梦断, 晨光初放,
醒时不觉, 人烟渺茫.
- posted on 06/01/2010
“只是过客”,很用心呢,佩服你的古文功底。
另贴一首蒂丝黛儿的小诗,
The Solitary
My heart has grown rich with the passing of years,
I have less need now than when I was young
To share myself with every comer
Or shape my thoughts into words with my tongue.
It is one to me that they come or go
If I have myself and the drive of my will,
And strength to climb on a summer night
And watch the stars swarm over the hill.
Let them think I love them more than I do,
Let them think I care, though I go alone;
If it lifts their pride, what is it to me
Who am self-complete as a flower or a stone. - Re: RE: 旧译一首 There Will Come Soft Rainsposted on 06/01/2010
欢迎尘影 :)
我这个是测试贴
- Re: RE: 旧译一首 There Will Come Soft Rainsposted on 06/01/2010
老夫年有富
不如少时缺
每有座上宾
必须听子曰宾来又客往
孓然懒多想
岂可夜登山
独自对群星仿佛爱有加
其实真无心
若能适君意
石下花自馨 - Re: Reply to Joeyposted on 06/02/2010
Joey,你的译诗很好玩呐!“老夫”开篇,一下子把蒂丝黛儿那么细腻的女性情怀转了方向,变成了一个坐在庭院摇着扇子眼望星空的悠然自得的老汉。好玩好玩,我下次淘气了,也这么换角色翻译。
- Re: 诗与译诗posted on 06/03/2010
诗是个很奇妙的东西。有时一个人绝望时的呻吟,却可激励许多后来的人。译诗亦是如此,如果取其精而超越形式,有时可创作出更好的东西来。 - posted on 06/03/2010
"尘心洗尽兴难尽,一树蝉声片影斜".
尘影谬赞. 谢诗!! :-)
The Solitary
Sara Teasdale
孤独者
萨拉. 蒂丝黛儿
My heart has grown rich with the passing of years,
I have less need now than when I was young
To share myself with every comer
Or shape my thoughts into words with my tongue.
穿过岁月的流水的我日渐丰盈的心
早已消瘦了年轻时有过的渴望
不再向每个过客敞开心扉
也无意用口舌舒卷我难言的情思
It is one to me that they come or go
If I have myself and the drive of my will,
And strength to climb on a summer night
And watch the stars swarm over the hill.
倘若没有迷失的我, 仍握着信念,
在仲夏的夜晚奋力攀上山巅
看满天繁星奔涌如潮
那么, 客来客往, 于我又有何异.
Let them think I love them more than I do,
Let them think I care, though I go alone;
If it lifts their pride, what is it to me
Who am self-complete as a flower or a stone.
就让他们以为我对他们爱意绵绵,
就让他们以为我在意, 尽管我独行于世;
假若他们因而平添虚荣, 那又关我何事
我独善其身, 美如夏花, 坚若磐石.
尘影 wrote:
“只是过客”,很用心呢,佩服你的古文功底。
另贴一首蒂丝黛儿的小诗,
- Re: Reply to 只是过客posted on 06/03/2010
不认真不行啊,原来我不仅把作者性别弄错了,连好几句英文理解也错了,真丢人 ^_^
- Re: Reply to Joeyposted on 06/10/2010
我以为你故意的……哈哈 - Re: Reply to 只是过客posted on 06/10/2010
只是过客:
“尘心洗净兴难尽,一树蝉声片影斜”有出处吗?还是你的手笔?
我以前想到这个名,取的是“尘中之影 尘中拾影”的意思。虽然常常感到疏离,但很享受生命的过程。
你译的《孤独》,我收藏了o(∩_∩)o
只是想把第一句改了,全诗都这么雅,开头连续几个“的”字有些跳跃,我悄悄改成了:穿过岁月的流水我心日渐丰盈。
呵呵
- posted on 06/10/2010
我一时手痒,又小小改了几个字,诗句长度匀称了些。待会可以高高兴兴地睡觉去了!
孤独者
萨拉. 蒂丝黛儿
My heart has grown rich with the passing of years,
I have less need now than when I was young
To share myself with every comer
Or shape my thoughts into words with my tongue.
穿过岁月的流水我心日渐丰盈,
早已消瘦了年轻时有过的渴望
不再向每个来往过客敞开心扉
也无意用口舌舒卷难言的情思。
It is one to me that they come or go
If I have myself and the drive of my will,
And strength to climb on a summer night
And watch the stars swarm over the hill.
倘若没有迷失的我, 仍握有信念,
在仲夏的夜晚奋力攀登山径
看山巅外满天繁星奔涌如潮
那么, 客来客往, 于我又有何异.
Let them think I love them more than I do,
Let them think I care, though I go alone;
If it lifts their pride, what is it to me
Who am self-complete as a flower or a stone.
就让他们以为我对他们爱意绵绵,
就让他们以为我在意, 尽管我独行于世;
假若他们因而平添虚荣, 那又关我何事
我独善其身, 美如夏花, 坚若磐石.
- posted on 06/15/2010
joey 的即兴之作读来很有趣的. :-)
回尘影, 引自一首茶诗:
《与赵莒茶宴》
钱起
竹下忘言对紫茶,
全胜羽客醉流霞。
尘心洗尽兴难尽,
一树蝉声片影斜。
"尘中之影, 尘中拾影", 若即若离啊.
"穿过岁月的流水的我日渐丰盈的心", 故意这么写的. :-)
自然是受了罗大佑的影响: "穿过你的黑发的我的手"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqkIu5_vAGo&feature=related
看来你喜欢整齐. :-) 谢收藏.
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