- 突然想看一些"花好月圆", "百年好合", 总而言之是大团圆结局的美丽的爱情电影, 作品, 故事, 舞台剧什么的. 古今中外都不拘.
可脑袋竟然是一片空白...一个好结局的都想不起来.
看看大家有什么好介绍?
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/15/2010
昨天借了一个贺岁片(当然现在不是过年时节,但是喜气,大团圆)来看: 十全十美之三喜临门。
暗香 wrote:
突然想看一些"花好月圆", "百年好合", 总而言之是大团圆结局的美丽的爱情电影, 作品, 故事, 舞台剧什么的. 古今中外都不拘.
可脑袋竟然是一片空白...一个好结局的都想不起来.
看看大家有什么好介绍? - posted on 05/15/2010
帮你想了几个:
Once-我很喜欢这个电影, 也许你看过。
My Blueberry Nights --前年在回国的飞机上看的。 这次也在电脑上装了好多电影。
Jane Austen 所有的电影-去年我花很多时间将Jane Austen的书改编的, 以她的生平拍的电影都看了。她书的主人公结局都好啊。。。但她自己很凄凉的。 活在那个年代好累。
暗香 wrote:
突然想看一些"花好月圆", "百年好合", 总而言之是大团圆结局的美丽的爱情电影, 作品, 故事, 舞台剧什么的. 古今中外都不拘.
可脑袋竟然是一片空白...一个好结局的都想不起来.
看看大家有什么好介绍? - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/15/2010
谢谢Luguo 和 Lucy!
想帮助一个女孩疗伤. 一个受了重伤, 内伤, 久伤, 不再相信爱情, 但爱的游丝又总在她身边游荡的女孩.希望她能重新建立对"爱"(男女之爱)的信念.
所以, 先从介绍"大团圆"结局的爱情电影开始, 帮助这个女孩疗伤, 还有别的招吗? - posted on 05/15/2010
原来如彼。
那个三喜临门是贺岁片,倒也是爱情片,家里老头急着为儿子、儿女找对象,最后,儿子、女儿都找到了,在找的过程中,老头自己也找了一个,所以是三喜临门。这是贺岁片,搞笑的,属于comedy film,不能去深入思考的,逗一逗,笑一笑,就完了。
其它的,你别说,一时想还真想不起来,虽然看过不少。为着疗伤的目的,还真的需要大团圆的才好。
前阵子看过一个侯孝贤拍的电影,是个琼瑶片,讲述一对双方父亲都是大老板的年轻男女的婚姻故事,也可一看。名字想不起来了, 待我google一下,看看能否出来 ...... 哈哈,我打入侯孝贤和琼瑶就出来了:片名《就是溜溜的她》 | 侯孝贤导演,凤飞飞, 锺镇涛, 陈友主演。
暗香 wrote:
谢谢Luguo 和 Lucy!
想帮助一个女孩疗伤. 一个受了重伤, 内伤, 久伤, 不再相信爱情, 但爱的游丝又总在她身边游荡的女孩.希望她能重新建立对"爱"(男女之爱)的信念.
所以, 先从介绍"大团圆"结局的爱情电影开始, 帮助这个女孩疗伤, 还有别的招吗? - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/15/2010
My Blueberry Nights 是疗伤的。
电影毕竟不是真实的人生, 只能暂时的躲避一下。 直面真实的人生总是要有勇气的。
看看阿珊和玛雅的旧帖吧。 周末愉快!
暗香 wrote:
谢谢Luguo 和 Lucy!
想帮助一个女孩疗伤. 一个受了重伤, 内伤, 久伤, 不再相信爱情, 但爱的游丝又总在她身边游荡的女孩.希望她能重新建立对"爱"(男女之爱)的信念.
所以, 先从介绍"大团圆"结局的爱情电影开始, 帮助这个女孩疗伤, 还有别的招吗? - posted on 05/16/2010
再次谢谢二位!
"看看阿珊和玛雅的旧帖吧。" 送佛送到西天, 能不能牵牵线?
对了, 昨天没得到二位的信息时, 先弄了套"败犬女王"在看, 是本杂志介绍的, 说是当代不可不看的爱情篇之一...花好月圆结局...哈哈!
很搞笑...才看了第一集...暂时没什么可说的.
lucy wrote:
My Blueberry Nights 是疗伤的。
电影毕竟不是真实的人生, 只能暂时的躲避一下。 直面真实的人生总是要有勇气的。
看看阿珊和玛雅的旧帖吧。 周末愉快!
暗香 wrote:
谢谢Luguo 和 Lucy!
想帮助一个女孩疗伤. 一个受了重伤, 内伤, 久伤, 不再相信爱情, 但爱的游丝又总在她身边游荡的女孩.希望她能重新建立对"爱"(男女之爱)的信念.
所以, 先从介绍"大团圆"结局的爱情电影开始, 帮助这个女孩疗伤, 还有别的招吗? - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/16/2010
Music and Lyrics (2007), a romantic comedy
director: Marc Lawrence
Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore - posted on 05/16/2010
At the end (or should I say from the beginning), we always believe what we want to believe. "大团圆" can have different interpretations based on the time when you are reading it, and the time scale where you put it in.
The girl is in blessing with someone like you who is looking after her. However, the change by the healing can only happen from within, when the engery vibrating within is on or higher than LOVE. To love, one must be far away from fear, if not on the opposite of it.
(best wishes, in my prayer...)
暗香 wrote:
谢谢Luguo 和 Lucy!
想帮助一个女孩疗伤. 一个受了重伤, 内伤, 久伤, 不再相信爱情, 但爱的游丝又总在她身边游荡的女孩.希望她能重新建立对"爱"(男女之爱)的信念.
所以, 先从介绍"大团圆"结局的爱情电影开始, 帮助这个女孩疗伤, 还有别的招吗? - posted on 05/17/2010
我是从"信", "愿", "行"这三资粮来看这个疗伤的事.
去获得"完美圆满的爱情", "信", "愿", "行"是缺一不可.
"信"...就要如此信:
1) 就是信这世间有"完美圆满的爱情",
2) 就是信这世间上的"完美圆满的爱情"是"丰富多彩的人生"的一个必要因素.
3) 就是信这世间上好事天天都有, 只要你想要就有 (见土干的"找丈夫"线"). "完美圆满的爱情"是大好事, 你想要就有.
4) 就是信这"完美圆满的爱情"大好事会给人带来身心的愉悦, 灵魂的升华, 情感的呵护, 能力的提升, 人格的美丽, 甜蜜的果实(例如, 家的温馨, 子嗣的延续...等等).
5) 就是给"完美圆满的爱情"来个自定义...这个每人也许都有不同...但每个"爱的定义"都是对的, 对下定义者来说, 就是对的.
*"完美圆满的爱情"与一帆风顺可能无关...也可能相关...看个人的定义.
**"完美圆满的爱情"与"风雨同舟"可能相关...也可能无关...看个人的定义.
*****"完美圆满的爱情"只与个人的定义有关.
"信"了, 又发了"愿", 再忘却"恐惧"(Rita言)去积极行动...那这"爱情"就有戏了...
这就是我选择先从"大团圆结局"开始洗脑行动的指导思想. - posted on 05/17/2010
在我看来,相信爱就是要信爱本身,毫无条件的爱,而不是是否完美圆满的爱,和能带来这带来那的爱,怎样怎样的爱,任何有条件的爱都不是无畏无惧的爱,只要有畏惧就不是纯粹的爱,就不是能够疗伤的爱(振动在500以上的能量)。
暗香 wrote:
我是从"信", "愿", "行"这三资粮来看这个疗伤的事.
去获得"完美圆满的爱情", "信", "愿", "行"是缺一不可.
"信"...就要如此信:
1) 就是信这世间有"完美圆满的爱情",
2) 就是信这世间上的"完美圆满的爱情"是"丰富多彩的人生"的一个必要因素.
3) 就是信这世间上好事天天都有, 只要你想要就有 (见土干的"找丈夫"线"). "完美圆满的爱情"是大好事, 你想要就有.
4) 就是信这"完美圆满的爱情"大好事会给人带来身心的愉悦, 灵魂的升华, 情感的呵护, 能力的提升, 人格的美丽, 甜蜜的果实(例如, 家的温馨, 子嗣的延续...等等).
5) 就是给"完美圆满的爱情"来个自定义...这个每人也许都有不同...但每个"爱的定义"都是对的, 对下定义者来说, 就是对的.
*"完美圆满的爱情"与一帆风顺可能无关...也可能相关...看个人的定义.
**"完美圆满的爱情"与"风雨同舟"可能相关...也可能无关...看个人的定义.
*****"完美圆满的爱情"只与个人的定义有关.
"信"了, 又发了"愿", 再忘却"恐惧"(Rita言)去积极行动...那这"爱情"就有戏了...
这就是我选择先从"大团圆结局"开始洗脑行动的指导思想. - posted on 05/17/2010
那爱本身是什么?
当初曾经的无条件的爱, 到后来, 却象逃出虎口狼窝似的要摆脱掉, 才对这"无条件的爱"打了许多问号?????????
熬不过时, 都是从"无条件"到"有条件"的. 若真是"无条件", 即使是污泥, 也该照陷不拔, 万世不复啊? 若真是'无条件", 就该至死不悔, 还谈什么"重生", "疗伤"呢?
就换个角度, 有条件的, "完美圆满的爱", 看看会怎样?
rzp wrote:
在我看来,相信爱就是要信爱本身,毫无条件的爱,而不是是否完美圆满的爱,和能带来这带来那的爱,怎样怎样的爱,任何有条件的爱都不是无畏无惧的爱,只要有畏惧就不是纯粹的爱,就不是能够疗伤的爱(振动在500以上的能量)。
- posted on 05/18/2010
这是个难题,希望不用钻到牛角尖里去找答案。爱是一种由内心发出的外向的善望--既是体验也是表达,一种对身体和精神都同时能够康复、治愈和提升的能量。爱是那股使人们(精神和肉体)和世间万物相互吸引,凝聚一起的,使我们能够脚踏实地,莲心善怀的那种能量。
爱不是一个契约,也不是一种交换。爱是自由的,不受约束的,不仅没有条件,也不求回报,不求占有,不排除他人。当你在想该爱和不该爱,你无形中已经在给爱按照你的理解加上了条件。当爱里面掺杂了畏惧,就成了占有性的爱(possesive love),因为惧怕失去,所以人想控制和占有,才需要誓言和法律条约。因为惧怕失去,才会有所谓的为爱而杀人。
被占有和去占有的爱都不是爱本身,更不是无条件的爱。当人觉得需要"重生"和"疗伤"的时候,他、她没有在爱。爱能够疗伤,使人重生。既然放下的是枷锁,而不是爱,那也不必要对爱失去信心,需要考虑该不该悔的并不是爱。
有先知说过:去爱,但不要背上爱的债券,被爱绑住:让爱成为你们灵魂岸彼之间的流动的大海。
暗香 wrote:
那爱本身是什么?
当初曾经的无条件的爱, 到后来, 却象逃出虎口狼窝似的要摆脱掉, 才对这"无条件的爱"打了许多问号?????????
熬不过时, 都是从"无条件"到"有条件"的. 若真是"无条件", 即使是污泥, 也该照陷不拔, 万世不复啊? 若真是'无条件", 就该至死不悔, 还谈什么"重生", "疗伤"呢?
就换个角度, 有条件的, "完美圆满的爱", 看看会怎样?
rzp wrote:
在我看来,相信爱就是要信爱本身,毫无条件的爱,而不是是否完美圆满的爱,和能带来这带来那的爱,怎样怎样的爱,任何有条件的爱都不是无畏无惧的爱,只要有畏惧就不是纯粹的爱,就不是能够疗伤的爱(振动在500以上的能量)。
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/18/2010
爱情是什么? 和母爱和父爱区别很大吗? 对了,不一样,前者会让自己变成父母,后者让自己永远做孩子。
胡言乱语的,我不知道爱情是什么,也避免思考这个很不人性化的名词。 - posted on 05/18/2010
给你推荐两部电影,推荐三部吧,
第一部,《The Reader》,台词需要改,但导演和演技都很不错,但故事本身目的性较强,有些刻意,失去了真实感。
第二部,《A Very Long Engagement》,也很刻意,但却是一部美丽的童话故事,我很喜欢它,也一定要超越它。
第三部,《阿米的猜想》,喜欢它,是因为对周迅很着迷,咳,没办法,她长得太凄惨了,我第一次在荧幕上见到她,就被吸引了。《夜宴》如果不是因为有她出演,我估计会错过了那部影片,也不会知道葛优还有那么色的眼珠子。《阿米......》这部电影,容不得回味,回味得我开始讨厌周迅了。
《夜宴》也可以算爱情电影吧,可我最烦章子怡了,她的出现总是很败兴,一直觉得她长得象只尖酸的母耗子。
啰嗦了一大堆。简而言之,上面三部电影,都不错。 - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/18/2010
对了,还有......算了,够多的了 - posted on 05/18/2010
这条线读来好忧伤。
疗伤,疗爱情的伤?那只有时间,让时间来学会如何爱人吧,让时间来学会,自己如何被人爱。试试走出现有的环境,旅游,面对大自然,才能悟身悟心,摆脱情感的缠绕。
真正的能爱上一个人其实那是一种幸运,只是要明白那只是付出,痛苦也是情愿的,甚至不求结果,不求名声,苍天大海,无怨无悔。如果觉得很冤,那是因为没真正爱过。
很同意RZP的话。
爱也是一门艺术,介绍一本弗洛姆Erich fromm《爱的艺术》, 弗洛姆是法兰克福学派的元老,让他知名于世间的就是以爱为中心的人生哲学。他的说法,你爱一个人,也就是通过他爱了所有的人,包括爱你自己,很理想化的博爱。他用了反证法,人们需要警觉没有爱将会如何。缺少了爱的孤独,离开爱以后的病态......对读者有切身的说服力。推荐一下,希望有帮助!
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/18/2010
有种说法把爱划分为六种:Eros, Ludus; Storge; Pragma; Mania; Agape. RZP说的
应是agape了。
亚里士多德逃离雅典时说:“不给雅典人第二次对哲学犯罪的机会”。其实这对爱
情和其他人际关系也适用。既然深爱一个人,就不要给他利用爱情行不义之事的机
会。对爱的维护方式,有时也包括断交。:)
- posted on 05/19/2010
不觉冤, 过去的无悔无怨...但不想继续下去, 渴盼着一种新的生活, 新的视角, 新的体验, 新的旅程...但过去的张力象黑洞, 要把想出离的拉回去...因而, 产生出逃...
过去爱过, 但over了? 这算是"爱的结束"? "爱的句号"? 爱可以划句号吗?
"人们需要警觉没有爱将会如何。缺少了爱的孤独,离开爱以后的病态...", 本来很想把"爱"这个说不清, 理还乱的家伙扔到爪哇国, 但直觉里是隐隐约约感觉到这些, 才提出了"疗伤"...
好吧, "病树前头万木春"...谢谢大家!
秋子 wrote:
这条线读来好忧伤。
疗伤,疗爱情的伤?那只有时间,让时间来学会如何爱人吧,让时间来学会,自己如何被人爱。试试走出现有的环境,旅游,面对大自然,才能悟身悟心,摆脱情感的缠绕。
真正的能爱上一个人其实那是一种幸运,只是要明白那只是付出,痛苦也是情愿的,甚至不求结果,不求名声,苍天大海,无怨无悔。如果觉得很冤,那是因为没真正爱过。
很同意RZP的话。
爱也是一门艺术,介绍一本弗洛姆Erich fromm《爱的艺术》, 弗洛姆是法兰克福学派的元老,让他知名于世间的就是以爱为中心的人生哲学。他的说法,你爱一个人,也就是通过他爱了所有的人,包括爱你自己,很理想化的博爱。他用了反证法,人们需要警觉没有爱将会如何。缺少了爱的孤独,离开爱以后的病态......对读者有切身的说服力。推荐一下,希望有帮助!
- posted on 05/19/2010
有谁能把这六种爱更详细地解释一下呢?
"既然深爱一个人,就不要给他利用爱情行不义之事的机会。对爱的维护方式,有时也包括断交。:)"
我想这该叫"爱的理智", 爱能有理智吗?
Susan wrote:
有种说法把爱划分为六种:Eros, Ludus; Storge; Pragma; Mania; Agape. RZP说的
应是agape了。
亚里士多德逃离雅典时说:“不给雅典人第二次对哲学犯罪的机会”。其实这对爱
情和其他人际关系也适用。既然深爱一个人,就不要给他利用爱情行不义之事的机
会。对爱的维护方式,有时也包括断交。:)
- posted on 05/19/2010
正在做晚饭,真是过了点了,马上该睡觉了。来帮你讨论讨论这个爱的问题。
这个问题很沾手,建议大家讨论完了要记住洗手。
爱,是一个不要去思考的问题。它不是人们用文字能说明白的,几个人数十载的生命加在一起,慢慢咀嚼,也许能尝出点味道,也不一定完全。人们谈的,不是爱,而是对爱的理想或期望或见解,它很个体化,每个人都可以有他/她自己对爱的理想,不需要一致,不需要谋同,也不需要跟从。爱,它太超越太复杂,讨论它,就像拿着干面粉拉面条,横拉一把是空的,纵拉一把还是空的,掉一地的散面粉,还有失去的光阴。随它去吧。
我继续去做饭了。 - posted on 05/19/2010
"Love Story". but it has a sad ending.
"English Patient". I don't remember whether there is a happy ending, though.
really don't like "The Reader", perhaps she appears too much like a perpetrator and him, a victim, to me (perhaps i've read about child abuse a bit too much).
There must be numerous theories about love. One is proposed by Sternberg. His triangular theory of love posits that there are three components of love relationships:
Intimacy: feelings of closeness, connectedness, trust, friendship and emotional connection.
Passion: feelings of need, obsession, fixation, excitement, lust and necessity.
Commitment: feelings of permanence, longevity, stability and calmness.
- posted on 05/19/2010
No, she did NOT abuse that kid. It may appear so to sex phobics but it's not. He looks so much like a grown-up, sexually and physically.
He fell in love with her from inside out, can't you see?
He LOVES her. He has been bearing a void feeling for so long since she was in jail.She never wanted to control or manipulate him. She was following him.
Of course what she did is wrong. She could refuse and call an abrupt end to their relationship. She herself seemed to have realized it was not appropriate either. But, she was depicted not as a sex predator and she did not act as one.
So sick of people mixing child abuse with natural concensual love. In many civilized places, people can get married at 16.
Faked, faked and so faked.
When you watch a movie, you don't carry a social doctrine or a law book with you. Watch it with your heart, through your untinted pupils.
As to what she did in concentration camp, it's a twisted and pathetic environment, what she committed was purposely set up by the author to convey a message with his personal view.
sands wrote:
"Love Story". but it has a sad ending.
"English Patient". I don't remember whether there is a happy ending, though.
really don't like "The Reader", perhaps she appears too much like a perpetrator and him, a victim, to me (perhaps i've read about child abuse a bit too much).
There must be numerous theories about love. One is proposed by Sternberg. His triangular theory of love posits that there are three components of love relationships:
Intimacy: feelings of closeness, connectedness, trust, friendship and emotional connection.
Passion: feelings of need, obsession, fixation, excitement, lust and necessity.
Commitment: feelings of permanence, longevity, stability and calmness.
- posted on 05/19/2010
That's OK if you are sick of ME. Well, I guess I don't think I need your approval for voicing my opinion here, right?
My job assignments enable me to read quite a bit of cases of child abuse, and I am sensitive to it.
The same way, I don't like that Wang's "Days of Sunshine" about kids in cultural revolution that could get away bullying others without any remorse.
When there is age difference, especially there is one under age (that depends on local authority's definition though), then it's fishy.
Talking about manipulative, yeah she is. He was damaged for good, and it took him a lifetime to recover.
Sorry she has earned none of my sympathy, although Winslet is a good actor.
小凯 wrote:
No, she did NOT abuse that kid. It may appear so to sex phobics but it's not. He looks so much like a grown-up, sexually and physically.
He fell in love with her from inside out, can't you see?
She never wanted to control or manipulate him. She was following him.
So sick of people mixing child abuse with natural concensual love. Faked, faked and so faked.
As to what she did in concentration camp, it's a twisted and pathetic environment anyway.
sands wrote:
"Love Story". but it has a sad ending.
"English Patient". I don't remember whether there is a happy ending, though.
really don't like "The Reader", perhaps she appears too much like a perpetrator and him, a victim, to me (perhaps i've read about child abuse a bit too much).
There must be numerous theories about love. One is proposed by Sternberg. His triangular theory of love posits that there are three components of love relationships:
Intimacy: feelings of closeness, connectedness, trust, friendship and emotional connection.
Passion: feelings of need, obsession, fixation, excitement, lust and necessity.
Commitment: feelings of permanence, longevity, stability and calmness.
- posted on 05/19/2010
i don't know how you saw him being damaged as an evidence of having been manipulated by that woman who was indeed at his mother's age.
sorry your reading cases of child abuse robbed you of the natural sense of human feelings.
She was removed from his life, by herself and by the power of law, because of the crimes she committed in the concentration camp while serving as a guard.
He felt so painful because the woman was his first love and she just left like that...
He felt so ashamed of her because of her past and he hated her for her war crime too.
Also, there had been so many controdictions inside of him, eg, he could choose to reveal the fact that she was unable to write and spare her the life sentence.
All those twisted feelings with extraordinary pains do not arise from their romantic relationship.
I am not sick of YOU, there is no reason to have some disgust to a stranger.
But, thinking of you as an intelligent and educated person, I did feel uneasy when you interpret an artistic creatioin through an iron square box injected with judgements and attitudes.
As a matter of fact, this movie has touched a very controversial point. However, don't you notice it did not encourage "cross-generation" romance? didn't you notice the issue of child sex abuse is kind of out of place in this movie. It picked a teenage boy as the subject just because of his innocence, using it to show her kind and soft side, just like her weeping in the church when hearing the choir.
If the story ends before showing she ever had a trial and ever encounter him again, he would move on and fall in love with another girl and have a regular life.
What has hurt him so much, is that she did not have penitence for her war crime.
I am not particularly fond of that fact that people are so eager to jump up and kill the art because of it sounded moving shackles.
You have my respect, Sands, as always.
As a matter of fact, I am very very very sensitive to the issue of sex abuse too. When their sex scene started, I could not sit tight on the seat. Then I pursuded myself to calm down and relax to see what the movie is trying to say...
sands wrote:
That's OK if you are sick of ME. Well, I guess I don't think I need your approval for voicing my opinion here, right?
My job assignments enable me to read quite a bit of cases of child abuse, and I am sensitive to it.
The same way, I don't like that Wang's "Days of Sunshine" about kids in cultural revolution that could get away bullying others without any remorse.
When there is age difference, especially there is one under age (that depends on local authority's definition though), then it's fishy.
Talking about manipulative, yeah she is. He was damaged for good, and it took him a lifetime to recover.
Sorry she has earned none of my sympathy, although Winslet is a good actor.
小凯 wrote:
No, she did NOT abuse that kid. It may appear so to sex phobics but it's not. He looks so much like a grown-up, sexually and physically.
He fell in love with her from inside out, can't you see?
She never wanted to control or manipulate him. She was following him.
So sick of people mixing child abuse with natural concensual love. Faked, faked and so faked.
As to what she did in concentration camp, it's a twisted and pathetic environment anyway.
sands wrote:
"Love Story". but it has a sad ending.
"English Patient". I don't remember whether there is a happy ending, though.
really don't like "The Reader", perhaps she appears too much like a perpetrator and him, a victim, to me (perhaps i've read about child abuse a bit too much).
There must be numerous theories about love. One is proposed by Sternberg. His triangular theory of love posits that there are three components of love relationships:
Intimacy: feelings of closeness, connectedness, trust, friendship and emotional connection.
Passion: feelings of need, obsession, fixation, excitement, lust and necessity.
Commitment: feelings of permanence, longevity, stability and calmness.
- posted on 05/19/2010
Alas, my "natural sense of human feelings" were robbed! That's serious!
What am I? A "feelingless nonhuman? That's ... I don't know what to say. Now who's being judgmental?
Anything different from your view is without "natural sense of human feelings"?
I am who I am, opinion and judgment, in a total package (i.e., I am not ashamed of my opinions and viewpoints.)
Don't feel uneasy. Naturally we have different views as we have different life experiences. I am not forcing you to agree with me, I don't think you should impose your views on me, either. Let's agree to disagree.
I am also a mother. If any woman like Hannah Schmidt or whatever does anything to my son, I'll--I don't know what I'll do, maybe, report her, have her arrested and jailed or... For one thing I would NOT enjoy reading their "love story". Period. Of course, I'll do my best to talk/educate/discuss with my kid in the first place about love and relationship and sex so that he has better judgment, like every parent should do in their children's sex education (which I have done so).
Can you do me a favor? Imagine yourself being the mother of that boy (what's his name? OK, it's Michael). How would you like reading their story? Will you be moved, touched by them? Want to help to get them together? I'd like to know. Thanks.
>小凯 wrote:
>i don't know how you saw him being damaged as an evidence of having been manipulated by that woman who was indeed at his mother's age. - posted on 05/19/2010
well, any human being is a human being. The female role in the movie is a war criminal. She hanged herself later on. She left a permanent mark in that "kid" heart, in a very cruel way. But she did not intend to do so...She herself was a troubled person.
She is totally a fishy person. But she is still a person. She loved him too...She left a will to him and she gave him her trust...
It's a love story. No matter how you pour the fish sauce over it, it's still a piece of love.
And, again, I was never and am not sick of YOU. My goodness, why would I?
What I felt disturbed is a phenomenon, not you, you or you.
I am sick of people waving the flag of moral codes to secure their own standing and status. It is just so so so unnecessary. I have witnessed so many stories of moral crusaders who scream and shout so loud but later on turn out to be the true monsters. All this comments is absolutely not against to any of persons here in a personal way. They were by no means directed to you. But, if you want to take it in a wrong way, it's unfortunate and hope you will and can change the perspective. In short, please do not take negative comments as personal attack. I did NOT bite.
As to the movie 阳光灿烂的日子.I watched that movie while in college and it did not resonate at that time. I had to admit, I did not understand it when watching it. And I have only watched it once and forgot most of plot already.
>sands wrote:
>That's OK if you are sick of ME. Well, I guess I don't think I need your approval for voicing my opinion here, right? - posted on 05/19/2010
if what's between Hannah and Micheal is love, I am saying if, will that love be considered as a pure human feeling? should that love itself be condemned like how red guards condemn a landlord?
I am sorry to say this, but I do feel you put too many irrelevant thoughts into this movie/story and those thoughts have you so preoccupied. You probably had an opinion every second when you were watching it. What a torturing experience to watch a movie like that. I began to understand you. I do believe life experiences make great difference. But I also believe life experience is your life experience. Trying to extract your own substance from a fictional story sometime could be so misleading and tormenting to the author too. The author wrote a story to tell a story, not to make you feel good or bad.
To answer your question, if I had a kid who grew to 15 and had a crush on an adult. Well, I don't think my imaginative kid would share with me his/her secret. Generation gap is magical and frustrating.
Will I educate my kids about protecting themselves from sex predators? Yes, I will, for sure.
Sex predators are criminals. Justice is justice.
If my kids get involved with an adult, regardless of what the nature of their relationship, I will offer my kid a lot of help, including report to police right away, teaching that adult individual a hard lesson, but also helping my kid heal and sort out what's been through.
But, aside from those, will I demonize that person? I would say, it really depends.
That being said, when I watch a movie, I do not put myself into the story. Adding one more extra into the scene may not always work out very well.
>sands wrote:
>Alas, my "natural sense of human feelings" were robbed! That's serious! - posted on 05/19/2010
and, I already had a feeling how you educate you kids.
Education and guidance is very very very important. I agree.
Fear and worry can never truly be protective. It can be preventative though, but only in a superficial way. I did see a lot of worry and concern in your mind. I can understand that completely. But I don't think that would really lead you anywhere and I don't think your attitude is very productive and approachable to kids. It's more like you are "on edge".
A good parent needs to learn how to relax. Kids don't like another teacher at home.
You think your kids will listen to you? So many parents take awfully wrong approach to educate their kids. They try and try and keep trying until one day the kids are fed up and ask their parents to shut up(verbally or in a subtle and respectful way).
Please do not take what I just said in a wrong way. Please do NOT.
sands wrote:
Alas, my "natural sense of human feelings" were robbed! That's serious!
What am I? A "feelingless nonhuman? That's ... I don't know what to say. Now who's being judgmental?
Anything different from your view is without "natural sense of human feelings"?
I am who I am, opinion and judgment, in a total package (i.e., I am not ashamed of my opinions and viewpoints.)
Don't feel uneasy. Naturally we have different views as we have different life experiences. I am not forcing you to agree with me, I don't think you should impose your views on me, either. Let's agree to disagree.
I am also a mother. If any woman like Hannah Schmidt or whatever does anything to my son, I'll--I don't know what I'll do, maybe, report her, have her arrested and jailed or... For one thing I would NOT enjoy reading their "love story". Period. Of course, I'll do my best to talk/educate/discuss with my kid in the first place about love and relationship and sex so that he has better judgment, like every parent should do in their children's sex education (which I have done so).
Can you do me a favor? Imagine yourself being the mother of that boy (what's his name? OK, it's Michael). How would you like reading their story? Will you be moved, touched by them? Want to help to get them together? I'd like to know. Thanks.
- posted on 05/19/2010
About "cross-generation romance"--I am not against it, whether the movie encourages or not.
I know a few couples with 10 year or so age gap (younger male) and they all have successful long lasting relationship. But all parties involved should be able to make decisions responsively for themselves. The age is important.
I see nothing wrong with opinions with moral elements. Free speech allows you to express anything in your mind, moral or amoral. If a particular argument doesn't convince you, you have the right to disagree.
Thanks for your lesson on parenting. : )
I know very well about that--that's partly the topic on my dissertation... haha - posted on 05/19/2010
too bad. that's what I figured.
Burn your dissertation and seek truths through your old/current steps in your own real life.
If you keep acting as an authorative and knowlegeable teacher or educator in front of your kids as you are now very confident and happily so, you might find things out of control. Words fail, but the nervousness/fear reveals.
Just don't rely on what you learnt from books or other people's TOLD stories. It's so stupid. I am NOT saying you are stupid. Again, please do not take what I said in a wrong way.
sands wrote:
I know very well about that--that's partly the topic on my dissertation... haha - posted on 05/19/2010
Burn it? that hurts!
I see you are very young, probably my kids' age.
I forgive you. You probably don't know what you are talking about.
Good night!
小凯 wrote:
too bad. that's what I figured.
Burn your dissertation and seek truths through your old/current steps in your own real life.
sands wrote:
I know very well about that--that's partly the topic on my dissertation... haha - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/19/2010
thanks for your forgiveness.
Good night.
sands wrote:
I forgive you. You probably don't know what you are talking about.Good night!
- posted on 05/19/2010
暗香 wrote:
有谁能把这六种爱更详细地解释一下呢?
"既然深爱一个人,就不要给他利用爱情行不义之事的机会。对爱的维护方式,有时也包括断交。:)"
我想这该叫"爱的理智", 爱能有理智吗?
Susan wrote:
有种说法把爱划分为六种:Eros, Ludus; Storge; Pragma; Mania; Agape. RZP说的
应是agape了。
亚里士多德逃离雅典时说:“不给雅典人第二次对哲学犯罪的机会”。其实这对爱
情和其他人际关系也适用。既然深爱一个人,就不要给他利用爱情行不义之事的机
会。对爱的维护方式,有时也包括断交。:)
建议苏三找出六个银幕人物来说明这六种爱。 :)
再建议苏三把她的同名人制作的简短问卷贴上来让大家自我鉴定。 - posted on 05/19/2010
(Wiki) What Susan mentioned are styles of love (Love Styles), models of how people love, originally developed by John Lee. He identified six basic love theories—also known as "colors" of love—that people use in their interpersonal relationships.
Eros – a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
Ludus – a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
Storge – an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
Pragma – love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
Mania – highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
Agape – selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love
Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick of Texas Tech University expanded on this theory in the mid-1980s with their extensive research on what they called "love styles". They have found that men tend to be more ludic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Mania is often the first love style teenagers display. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer. People often look for people with the same love style as themselves for a relationship.
Agapa is not complete the same from what I tried to express. However, apparently different people have different definitions and interpretations of love, as to many important things in life. At the end it is all about attitude and choices.
- posted on 05/19/2010
Some people fit all these six categories...
Romantic/emotional, competing/fighting, pairing/turning the same, rational/practical, self-degrading/obsessive, protective/parent-like, and there is more,
Love is such a sad thing...love is such a happy thing...it's the rain, it's the ray, it's the wind, it's the shade...it kisses and it kills...with a soft touch...it kills a great deal...
rzp wrote:
Eros – a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
Ludus – a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
Storge – an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
Pragma – love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
Mania – highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
Agape – selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/19/2010
Perhaps love is more an act than a thing.
>小凯 wrote:
>Some people fit all these six categories...
> - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/19/2010
too many acts suffocate that thing... :)
rzp wrote:
Perhaps love is more an act than a thing.
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/19/2010
That is too much home work! I am on summer vacation now. :)
I am very interested in the evolutionary theories of human sexuality. Hopefully I will have enough time to read through the books on this topic.
八十一子 wrote:
建议苏三找出六个银幕人物来说明这六种爱。 :)再建议苏三把她的同名人制作的简短问卷贴上来让大家自我鉴定。 - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/19/2010
Susan, What books you are reading? can you share the name of the book。I am very intrigued also。
爱,,唉!理论,都是理论,,,想说点啥,不过我还是闭嘴吧。 想戒网来着,Susan 把我引出来。 这话题我想听小麦的高见。
Susan wrote:
I am very interested in the evolutionary theories of human sexuality. Hopefully I will have enough time to read through the books on this topic.
- posted on 05/19/2010
草叶,抱歉抱歉,要不咱俩一起戒网?:-) 书我还都没读呢,就是戒网估计近期也不会有空。不过这也都是理论哈。
Why Is Sex Fun?: The Evolution Of Human Sexuality (Science Masters) - Jared
Diamond
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature by Matt Ridley
The Third Chimpanzee: The Evolution and Future of the Human Animal (P.S.)
by Jared Diamond
The Woman That Never Evolved: With a New Preface and Bibliographical Updates,
Revised Edition by Sarah Blaffer
小麦的高见我印象深刻,在这里:
http://www.mayacafe.com/forum/topic1sp.php3?tkey=1253483675
草叶 wrote:
Susan, What books you are reading? can you share the name of the book。I am very intrigued also。
爱,,唉!理论,都是理论,,,想说点啥,不过我还是闭嘴吧。 想戒网来着,Susan 把我引出来。 这话题我想听小麦的高见。 - posted on 05/19/2010
Susan, Thanks so much. I read two of the books you mentioned, I strongly recommend Red Queen, very very interesting theory. Maybe you should start a thread someday about this topic, Fusheng , Xiao mai, Maya, we all can share what we learn about it.
I also would like to recommend a book even though It is not the style of writing I liked:
Morgan, Elaine: The Decent of Woman, From evolution point of view about woman all aspects .
But I was not totally convinced though.
http://www.amazon.com/Descent-Woman-Classic-Study-Evolution/dp/0285627007/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274303806&sr=1-3 - posted on 05/19/2010
Thanks 草叶! I will start with the Red Queen then. Descent of Woman looks very interesting too.
So much to learn, so little time...
草叶 wrote:
Susan, Thanks so much. I read two of the books you mentioned, I strongly recommend Red Queen, very very interesting theory. Maybe you should start a thread someday about this topic, Fusheng , Xiao mai, Maya, we all can share what we learn about it.
I also would like to recommend a book even though It is not the style of writing I liked:
Morgan, Elaine: The Decent of Woman, From evolution point of view about woman all aspects .
But I was not totally convinced though.
http://www.amazon.com/Descent-Woman-Classic-Study-Evolution/dp/0285627007/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274303806&sr=1-3 - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/19/2010
二位真会促狭我,讲话也越来越逗。统共最近也没见你们发几个贴(特别是草叶),还闹着要戒网。起点这么低,可怎么戒啊?好歹多发两个贴制造点上瘾的假象再去戒呀。草叶你信誓旦旦的5月博客呢?不写也无所谓,大概忙着谈恋爱去了。lol - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/20/2010
小麦我没有促狭你,我前一阵还在想你的爱是“外星人embed在人体内的东西”的理
论。我是道金斯ist,所以把外星人理解成基因。我在想是哪种可能性:
1. It is all part of the master plan.
Or,
2. The evolution gone awry, the robots gone rogue. - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/20/2010
苏苏啊我对我胡扯的话可不负任何责任。
爱就是activation, 恋人就是拿着activation code的人。再胡扯一句。笑。
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/20/2010
小麦你这才是在促狭我, 我可真的没促狭你。 你写的, 我爱看的, 包栝这activation code 是大实话。
Susan, 先读戴蒙的书, 尤其前几章, Red Queen 则比较 Techinical 一点。但其中关于为什么有性别的分化, 很有趣, 当然这都是在living being 开始movement 以后, 那些不走动的生物,是雌雄同体的, 植物也是在动物进化走动后才开始有花粉的传授。
- posted on 05/21/2010
这三点挺实用的, 有这三点爱情和婚姻应该能结合到一块了!
sands wrote:
Intimacy: feelings of closeness, connectedness, trust, friendship and emotional connection.
Passion: feelings of need, obsession, fixation, excitement, lust and necessity.
Commitment: feelings of permanence, longevity, stability and calmness.
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
有理论还是好, 可以对号入座嘛, 要不怎么看爱情电影呢?
各位的"爱" 的声音很有意思, 说明"爱"还是件有意思的事嘛, 值得品味, 品味...
同意 Rita, 爱更多是做(act), 跳不跳下悬崖去...那就是各个人的选择(choice)了...
hehe, to be or not to be... - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
这么大了还装嫩。听没听过有老话言叫作,老黄瓜刷绿漆。
暗香 wrote:
有理论还是好, 可以对号入座嘛, 要不怎么看爱情电影呢?
各位的"爱" 的声音很有意思, 说明"爱"还是件有意思的事嘛, 值得品味, 品味...
同意 Rita, 爱更多是做(act), 跳不跳下悬崖去...那就是各个人的选择(choice)了...
hehe, to be or not to be...
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
原来是苦瓜. 哈哈! - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
是啊,苦瓜,起了一身的鸡皮疙瘩。
暗香 wrote:
原来是苦瓜. 哈哈! - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
最近看了电视剧《隋唐英雄传》,里面辅佐李世民立国的秦叔宝和李蓉蓉各自被恶梦折磨多年,他们的爱情最后可算是花好月圆。 - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
这一身的鸡皮疙瘩, 让人怂然惊觉嘛!
所以, 苦瓜可以降糖...大大地有益健康...
melon wrote:
是啊,苦瓜,起了一身的鸡皮疙瘩。
暗香 wrote:
原来是苦瓜. 哈哈! - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
是啊,苦瓜让你惊厥。
长满了疙瘩,有利你浆淌,饿了去吃。
有益和谐的健康。
暗香 wrote:
这一身的鸡皮疙瘩, 让人怂然惊觉嘛!
所以, 苦瓜可以降糖...大大地有益健康...
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
草叶 wrote:
小麦你这才是在促狭我
天打雷劈我没促狭你。常怀春心才能不变成黄脸公婆啊。这话是我朋友的版权,我挪用了。
你既然看了书,好东西至少写来分享一下啊。
- posted on 05/21/2010
小麦 wrote:
草叶 wrote:天打雷劈我没促狭你。常怀春心才能不变成黄脸公婆啊。这话是我朋友的版权,我挪用了。
小麦你这才是在促狭我
说起常怀春心,想起一段搞笑。草叶读书报告前,先抄来给大伙乐乐:
几个月前回国时,见了一堆中学同学,许多成了资深有为名医生,问起他们对充斥网络,广播地摊书店的xxx,xxx著名这偏方那秘方,专治这那疑难杂症的那些个广告如何看。著名医生一听就乐,惟妙惟俏地学了一段电台里的某某专科广告。大家大笑了一通,即日又诌了这则笑话来乐。
座谈会:徐老中医养生之道
主持:毕业快nn年了,很多同学都功成名就。今天我们有幸邀请到老中医徐博士来到我们中间,有什么问题可以提出来问他。
A问:徐老,最近我老是混混欲睡,爱打瞌睡,总感觉心态老了,有什么方法吗?
徐老:这个好办,根据我多年的行医经验,告诉你们一个小窍门。相思瞌睡少,暗恋心不老。
B:哈哈,这一点老徐在校时就传授给我了,不瞒大家,我是一周暗恋一个,我们级的女生都暗恋完了。
C问:徐老,我最近心情不好,思维都变得迟钝了,有什么办法,请徐老指教。
徐老:看你小子就不像有烦恼的人。不过我还是可以很负责任的告诉大家,调情可以解烦恼,花心可以练大脑,赶紧去试试吧。
D问:我有个问题。最近我们同学见面个个都比以前苍老了很多,你们中医研究原有啥办法吗?
E问:还有就是最近我们很多老同学心脏都不是太好,有什么办法吗?
徐老:哈哈,这个问题问的好。我要告诉大家不要急,有办法地。可以记住这两点:泡妞抗衰老,偷情心脏好。
B:啊!这都可以,咋不早点告诉我。看来老徐研究院成果还不少。
F:几年不见,老徐的理论知识突飞猛进呀。
E:毕业后多年不见他,我想他一定上了崂山学道去了。
G:哈哈,徐老一席话真是胜读十年书呀!相思瞌睡少,暗恋心不老,调情解烦恼,偷情心脏好,泡扭抗衰老。总有一样可以医好你的病。
徐老:对了,各位老同学,对中医养生有不明白的请拨我的工作手机号码, 13429412924. 号码很好记的呀,一生死,医就死,一医就易死。
- posted on 05/21/2010
Ha! That reminds me of a psychologist’s observation: He runs a group therapy for people with terminal illness and he is surprised to discover that many of his clients are obsessed with sexual fantasies. A widow becomes horny during her husband’s funeral; a man with 3 months to live dreams about marrying strangers…
When the shadow of mortality is looming above our heads, nothing can provide more sense of human vitality than the thoughts of love and sex.
So when we feel amore, we need to ask ourselves: am I falling in love, or am I simply afraid of old age and death? :-)
- posted on 05/21/2010
I think the answer is, the human body has some orifices, and when certain of them is/are not filled or stuffed, the very human is hungry and develop wet dreamZ.
Susan wrote:
When the shadow of mortality is looming above our heads, nothing can provide more sense of human vitality than the thoughts of love and sex.
So when we feel amore, we need to ask ourselves: am I falling in love, or am I simply afraid of old age and death? :-)
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
An old man dying in his hospital bed points to the overhead TV screen and barks with the last bit of air in his lung: "Give me the God damned porn!" The request unfortunately has been repeatedly denied by the nursing staff. - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/21/2010
因为那个nurse就是有名的PORN STAR,不能泄露了地下身份。
八十一子 wrote:
An old man dying in his hospital bed points to the overhead TV screen and barks with the last bit of air in his lung: "Give me the God damned porn!" The request unfortunately has been repeatedly denied by the nursing staff. - Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/22/2010
Letters to Juliet
http://www.letterstojuliet-movie.com/
大团圆的爱情电影
A beautiful love story.
The moral of the movie: It is never too late to find true love.
- Re: 爱情电影posted on 05/23/2010
昨晚看了Once.
原来爱是如此简单, 不要想太多了...
还有一个很意外的收获, 我是乐盲, 不会唱歌, 但一面看Once, 一面跟着他们的调子哼, 我突然好象会唱歌了... 猛然开窍!
各位介绍的电影和书, 我将慢慢地, 一点一点找来看...
原来咖啡真有药用价值! - posted on 05/28/2010
最近刚出的《给朱丽叶的信》(Letters to Juliet)很契合你的要求呐。我找来网上给的电影介绍:
苏菲霍尔是一个有理想有抱负的杂志撰稿人。她和自己的男朋友维克多从纽约飞到了意大利,一来是他们为了给自己的平静生活找点乐趣和浪漫,二来是维克多有些生意上的事情急需处理。生意上的事很棘手,维克多成了工作狂。百无聊赖的苏菲就在意大利维罗纳的乡间瞎逛。突然,她发现了一堵许愿墙--在这堵出自《罗密欧于朱丽叶》的许愿墙中,埋藏着众多女性的愿望:她们把信写给朱丽叶,希望这个文艺作品中的女神能把自己的梦中情人带到自己的身边。在这里,苏菲发现了50年前,一位名叫克莱尔史密斯的女孩写给朱丽叶的信。在信里,克莱尔向朱丽叶坦承自己十几岁的时候就爱上了一个意大利的小伙子。
苏菲霍尔觉得自己有必要找到克莱尔,再让她回去寻找那段丢失的爱情、找回信里说的那个叫做洛伦兹巴尔脱里尼的意大利男人。于是苏菲找到了已经是祖母的克莱尔,说明了来意,苏菲、克莱尔和孙子查理立即踏上了寻找巴尔脱里尼的旅程。不过在斯托卡纳搜寻失去的爱人的时候,她们发现爱情,并不是件容易的事情。要找到爱情,就要学会面对自我。
其实,苏菲并不仅仅想帮助克莱尔,她发现这个事情是一个很好的题材,如果自己能把寻找爱情的故事写出来,那么可以让自己的事业更上一层楼,并且能让她坐上自己梦寐以求的职业。可是随着事情的发展,苏菲却发现自己正在慢慢成为故事的主角。克莱尔的孙子查理和苏菲正在慢慢地进入一段颇为传奇的爱情故事,苏菲要何去何从,她会选择放弃自己的男朋友维克多么? - Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 05/28/2010
“要找到爱情,就要学会面对自我。”
这个讲得有道理。先确认自我,知道自己是谁,才能与另一人形成“共同自我” [shared identity]. - Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 09/20/2010
今天看了Eat Pray Love。:-) - Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 09/20/2010
说说看?
- Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 09/20/2010
>Ruyi wrote:
>说说看?因为看到是Julie Robert,就没想看这电影,觉得她不适合那角色。Lucy觉得电影如何?
最近又看了老片《傲慢与偏见》**,这电影也适合纳入楼主暗香原来要找的电影吧?
**看的是BBC1995年的电视系列,觉得比2005年的电影好许多(同时在电视上看了一部分)。 - Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 09/21/2010
我是昨天下午找不到更好的事情干去看的。提着包出门一年大约是很多人的梦! 但迈不出第一步。 有太多的牵挂。
我去年因为看了“The Jane Austen Book Club” 后, 看了图书馆所有关简。奥斯汀的电影和以她的书改编的电影。 - Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 09/21/2010
以前在咖啡我们聊过这本书。 电影还行。 但没有书有意思。
Ruyi wrote:
说说看?
- posted on 10/11/2010
好久没来咖啡了...今天一来, 看到这条老线提上来, 甚是惊讶...但也带着的喜.
人总是希望被人记着的. 真谢了!
爱情电影, 我终究没去看多少部, 网上到出乱翻, 到是翻出来几个很大团圆结局的才女. 下面这几张转帖, 姑且不论水平如何, 当八卦看也好吧!
(ZT) 品读中国女才子---林徽因
读了朋友的《万古人间四月天》一文,很好奇,惊叹世间竟有林徽因这样的奇女子!于是,也去读了《林徽因传》,了解到她在事业和文学上的成就,她与梁思成情投意合的美满婚姻,与徐志摩、金岳霖之间超凡脱俗的亲密友情……,更生出一份感佩。这是一位被胡适称为“中国第一女才子”、在泰戈尔访华之际,被当时上流社会惊叹为“人艳如花”的林徽因,是我国近代史上“集才气、集美质、集傲岸、也集热爱与事业于一体的”光辉女性!而后,又在网上搜阅了有关她的评论,她的美貌与气质,她丰富而含蓄的情感世界,她多方面的才华,令许多文人费了不少笔墨。而我,鹦鹉学舌,写一篇读书笔记,说说林徽因和她的感情生活。
一
林徽因,原名徽音,福建闽侯人。l904年6月10日出生于杭州,1920年4—9月随父亲林长民赴欧洲游历伦敦、巴黎等地,同年入伦敦圣玛利女校学习。1921年回国入培华女中读书,1923年参加新月社活动。1924年赴美国留学,在宾夕法尼亚大学美术学院,获美术学士学位,同年入耶鲁大学戏剧学院G.P.帕克教授工作室学习舞台美术设计。1928年3月与梁思成结婚,1929年出任东北大学建筑系副教授,1931年应聘到北京中国营造学社任参校,1946年以后担任清华大学建筑系教授,1949年参加中华人民共和国国徽设计,1951年为天安门广场人民英雄纪念碑碑座设计纹饰和浮雕图案。 1950年兼任北京市都市计划委员会委员、工程师,1953年当选中国建筑学会第一届理事会理事、《建筑学报》编委、中国建筑研究委员会委员。1955年 4月1日病逝于北京,终年51岁。
林徽因是我国建筑方面的著名学者。她参与了北京大学地质馆、清华大学教师住宅、中南海怀仁堂装修工程等重要工程设计,发表了《论中国建筑之几个特征》、《平郊建筑杂录》(与梁思成合著)、《清式营造则例》第一章绪论、《晋汾古建筑预查纪略》(署名林徽因、梁思成)、《由天宁寺谈到建筑年代的鉴别问题》(署名林徽因、梁思成)、《中国建筑史 (辽、宋部分) 》、《中国建筑发展的历史阶段》(与梁思成、莫宗江合著) 等有关建筑方面的论文和著作。
林徽因又是作家和诗人。她业余创作了具有专业水准的文学作品,其范围涉及诗歌、散文、小说、戏剧各个领域,在京派作家圈中颇有声誉,曾出版有《林徽因诗集》,中国现代作家丛书之一——《林徽因》。
二
徐志摩出身望族,他的父亲是浙江巨富、有名的银行家。徐志摩在伦敦众留学时,因上门求教于著名的书法家兼诗人林长民,邂逅了林长民的女儿林徽因,并被她美丽的外表,聪慧、幽默、追求独立、坚持己见等内在的品质所折服;而情窦初开的林徽因也被徐志摩渊博的知识、风雅的谈吐、英俊的外貌所吸引。两位才情横溢的青年热烈地相恋,坠入爱河。
此时,徐志摩已是一个两岁孩子的父亲,比林徽因大七岁,徐志摩的妻子张幼仪与孩子也在伦敦。在徐志摩向林徽因正式表示爱意时,林徽因也动心了。可是,林徽因是名门闺秀,不能处于一个尴尬的境地,她要志摩在她与张幼仪之间作出抉择。浪漫的徐志摩即回家告诉张幼仪,准备离婚。虽然张幼仪能理智地对待这件事,但却遭到了徐父的反对。
而林徽因这边,虽然深爱着志摩,但家庭的背景以及教养使她做出最明智的选择,在浪漫云游的诗人与未来脚踏实地的建筑学家之间,她选择脚踏实地的梁思成;在享受即时的虚荣与追求学问理想之间,她选择学业和理想。经过一段痛苦的思索与决择,又恰逢林长民游欧时间结束,就和父亲一起提前回国了。等徐志摩后来回国,林徽因已与梁思成订婚。虽然如此,徐志摩并没有放弃对林徽因的追求。他们一起组织新月社活动,一起演戏,一起接待泰戈尔访华,愉快地合作,常有书信来往。林徽因在北京西山养病期间,徐志摩经常去西山看望她,并帮助她发表了一些诗作。
后来眼看追林无望,徐志摩认识了陆小曼并与陆结婚。可是婚后因陆小曼生活放荡不和睦而离异。徐志摩依然恋着林徽因,直到1931从香港赶回北京听林徽因演讲而在飞机上遇难。林徽因对徐志摩也是一直有感情的。徐志摩死后,林徽因将徐志摩遇难飞机的一块残长久地挂在卧室内,并写了多篇文章怀念他。
徐志摩写给林徽因的那首有名的《偶然》诗是这样写的:“我是天空里的一片云/偶尔投影在你的波心/你不必讶异/更无须欢喜/在转瞬间消灭了踪影/你我相逢在黑夜的海上/你有你的/我有我的方向/你记得也好/最好你忘掉/在这交会时互放的光芒。”这是徐志摩对林徽因感情的最好自白,一见倾心而又理智地各走各的方向,这就是世俗所难理解的一种纯情。
三
梁思成是梁启超的大公子。梁、林两家是世交,梁思成与林徽因两小无猜。1922年,在父辈的安排下,他们又相爱了。林徽因喜欢和梁思成在一起,他们无论是出身教养还是文化构成都很相似,性情、趣味的相投使他们的交流十分默契,以至许多年过去后,梁思成成为中国建筑学界的权威专家,当谈起他最初为什么选择搞建筑的时候,梁思成竟说是为了林徽因。
林徽因是十分爱恋梁思成的。梁思成也十分怜惜冰清玉洁、口齿伶俐的林徽因。他们结婚以后,夫妻二人致力于他们所热爱的建筑事业,不仅对我国建筑科学研究作出了巨大贡献,而且在生活中,梁对林呵护倍至,爱情浓烈,感情深厚。至于梁思成对林徽因如何爱恋,如何欣赏,如何信任,现举三件事例就可知了:
婚前,梁思成问林徽因:“有一句话,我只问这一次,以后都不会再问,为什么是我?”林徽因答:“答案很长,我得用一生去回答你,准备好听我?f了吗?”
婚后,梁思成曾诙谐地对朋友说:“中国有句俗话:‘文章是自己的好,老婆是人家的好。’可是对我来说是,老婆是自己的好,文章是老婆的好。”
一天,梁思成从外地回来,林微因很沮丧地告诉他:“我苦恼极了,因为我同时爱上了两个人,不知道怎么办才好?” 梁思成听了以后非常震惊,一种无法形容的痛苦笼罩了他,经过一夜的思想斗争,虽然自己痛苦,但想到另一个男人的长处,他毅然告诉林徽因:“你是自由的,如果你选择了金岳霖,我祝你们永远幸福。 ”而林微因,不仅没有离开他,反而感动万分地对梁思成说了一句能让世上所有男人都无法拒绝的话语:你给了我生命中不能承受之重,我将用我一生来偿还!
也许,是上帝被他们的矢志不渝的爱情所感动,让梁思成与林微因结了一段美丽的尘缘!于是,才在中国建筑史和爱情史上都有了他们最灿烂的一笔!
四
金岳霖是一位哲学家、逻辑学家。1914年毕业于清华学校,后留学美国、英国,又游学欧洲诸国,回国后主要执教于清华和北大。金岳霖与徐志摩、林徽因、梁思成都是朋友,是林徽因、梁思成夫妇家里沙龙座上的常客。他们文化背景相同,志趣相投,交情也深。长期以来,一直是毗邻而居,常常是各踞一幢房子的前后进。偶而不在一地,例如抗战时在昆明、重庆,金岳霖每有休假,总是跑到梁家居住。金岳霖对林徽因人品才华赞羡至极,十分呵护;林徽因对他亦十分钦佩敬爱,他们之间的心灵沟通可谓非同一般,甚至梁思成林徽因吵架,也是找理性冷静的金岳霖仲裁。金岳霖自始至终都以最高的理智驾驭自己的感情,尤其是那次当林徽因原原本本把梁思成“你是自由的,如果你选择了金岳霖,我祝你们永远幸福。”的这句话告诉了金岳霖以后,金岳霖的回答更是率直坦诚:“看来思成是真正爱你的。我不能去伤害一个真正爱你的人。我应该退出。”
从此,他们三人毫无芥蒂,金岳霖仍旧跟他们毗邻而居,相互间更加信任。金岳霖很喜欢林、梁的孩子,视为己出,孩子们也敬爱金岳霖,称他“金爸”。
1955年林徽因去世了,金岳霖很悲痛。金岳霖后来回忆到当年参加林徽因追悼会的情形时说:“我很悲哀,我的眼泪没有停过……”
金岳霖对林徽因的至情深藏于一生。他恋了林徽因一生,爱了林徽因一生,为了她而终生未娶。有人说到这样一件事:在林徽因死后多年,一天金岳霖郑重其事地邀请一些至交好友到北京饭店赴宴,众人不知他所请为何。开席前他才说:“今天是林徽因的生日!”顿使举座感叹唏嘘。由此可见金岳霖对林徽因的感情之深。
五
林徽因是一位中西文化融合造就的新文化女性,所以我们不能用一般人的视角来看林徽因与徐志摩、金岳霖、梁思成之间的感情“纠葛”,而应看到,林徽因以与新文学共体的方式,张扬着自我的独立品格,激荡着青春气息与时代风云的美丽人生,她让我们见识了有别于传统的20世纪初叶那一代“象牙美人”的迷人风采。不仅如此,本文透过对贯穿林徽因一生的感情生活,还体会了有关爱情的一些涵义:
爱情是高尚的,它不是奢侈婚姻的附属品,只要是有利于人生价值社会价值的体现又不违背人伦道德和社会稳定的秩序,它就可以有更广袤的内涵和存在方式;爱情也不是以婚姻作为唯一的归宿,即使不能结为连理,也可以将友情延续下去,不能变恋人为仇敌,否则,便有悖于爱情的初衷;真心爱一个人不是占有对方,而是为了对方的幸福可以割舍自己的幸福,当发现别人能使对方更为幸福时,不仅可以主动退出,并且还要始终如一地去关于她(他)、爱护她(他)和帮助她(他);而婚姻,以信任和宽容来经营,才能维持其美满,加其深度,使爱情永放光彩。否则,得到的也将会失去。
- posted on 10/11/2010
(ZT) 品读中国女才子 ---祖母级的人物林海因
长亭外,古道边,芳草碧连天。
晚风扶柳笛声残,夕阳山外山。
天之涯,地之角,知交半零落。
一壶浊酒尽余欢,今宵别梦寒。
你听过这首歌吗?这首歌曲名叫《送别》,是电影《城南旧事》的主题歌,它在中国流传很广,可以说,我们现在有许多人都是听着或者唱着它长大的;你知道电影《城南旧事》原剧是谁写的吗?它就是被称为台湾文学“祖母级的人物”林海音写的,而且,《城南旧事》电影中那个“英子”就是写的小时候的林海音。
林海音(1918—2001),原名林含英,小名英子,原籍台湾省苗栗县,父母曾东渡日本经商,林海音于1918年3月18日生于日本大版,不久即返台,后举家迁居北京,小英子在北京长大。曾先后就读于北京城南厂甸小学、北京新闻专科学校,毕业后任《世界日报》记者。不久与报社同事夏承楹结婚。 1948年8月同丈夫带着三个孩子回到故乡台湾,任《国语日报》编辑。
林海音以办报、办刊、写作、出版为主,联络了大批在台的文化界人士,提携了大量台湾的文学青年,出版了众多文学名作,被称为台湾文学“祖母级的人物”。林海音对北京有着深厚的情感,《城南旧事》一书是她童年生活的写照,是她最具影响的作品。
林海音的创作是丰厚的。讫今为止,已出版十八本书。她的作品洋溢着浓郁的乡愁,具有典雅柔美的风格,深受广大读者的喜爱。她的作品被译为多种文字,她的一生荣获众多文学奖项,1998年“第三届世界华文作家大会”荣获“终身成就奖”。有评论认为,林海音的去世,是台湾文学一个时代的结束。
林海音辉煌的一生,有她女儿——台湾作家夏祖丽写的《她从城南走来——林海音传》。这是一本最为真切、最为细腻地讲述林海音一生的传记作品,它不仅倾注了作者与林海音的母女亲情,而且,对许多事情都有着切身的感受,更具亲切感。而我,则从中摘取几个生活片段,以展示林海音的风采。
上世纪七十年代中期,台湾成立著作权人协会,这是一个公益事业的新组织。刚成立时,很需要在出版业德高望重的人物出来呼吁、响应。著作权人协会总干事去找林海音,林海音不但满口答应,还热心地把自己在出版业的朋友拉了进来,其他人看到林海音这样的人都出来了,也就跟着来支持了。著作权人协会负责人后来说,今天台湾的著作人能得到著作权的保障,出版界没有盗版的困扰,跟林海音的大力支持所打下的基础有很大的关系。
在北京参观中国现代文学馆时,林海音发现其中只有丁玲、冰心、巴金、萧乾、俞平伯等十数位作家文库,而台湾的文学书“太不全” ,她回到台湾后,就迅速寄一套“纯文学”的书,共4大箱、 202本,送给文学馆。后来她又寄来了早已绝版的全套《纯文学月刊》。这套《纯文学月刊》是中国大陆惟一的一套,也是中国现代文学馆收到的第一批数量最多、质量最高的台湾当代图书。林海音不但为充实该馆馆藏作出了贡献,而且还为联接大陆与台湾文学之间搭起了桥梁。不仅如此,1990年5月,她回到北京,重走南柳巷,1993年75岁高龄的她再度回到北京,参加了《当代台湾著名作家代表作大系》新书发表会,与冰心、萧乾同为此套书顾问,为两岸文学交流默默地做着工作。
作家隐地自费出版了一本《隐地看小说》,林海音积极帮他向友人推荐。隐地后来突然发现,这本书谈及的三四十位作家和作品中,竟然从未说到林海音的书和人,她不仅帮他推销,还不断给与鼓励和赞许。林海音对一本未提她作品的书,竟然如此热心,在这个彼此利益互送的年代,这是何等宽宏大量啊!
林海音很爱美。她把家人的照片依年代顺序编成一叠叠艺术的相簿,经常翻阅。她的照片总是穿着亮丽高雅,神采奕奕。她喜欢照了美照送人,她说不是炫耀,而是分享。她从不掩饰自己爱美之心,人家称赞她美,她会很高兴地说:“真的吗?真的吗?”她的神态有点“娇娇的”。她常常会在照片后面写几句风趣、幽默的话,例如,在一张手托腮沉思的半身照后,她写着:“无皱纹是因为傻瓜相机好,满头华发是成熟的表记,手上青筋暴露是勤勉的记号。”在一张满桌佳肴前,她写上:“想吃!” 在给四十多年没见面的老同学寄一张与丈夫、儿子的合影,她写上:“与凡夫俗子合影”。在与一株盛开的昙花合影照后面,她写道:“大家等呀等呀,花苞涨大了,几乎是听到‘叭’一声,就剥裂开,爆出一大朵洁白得像白玉的花。”
林海音兴趣广泛。阅读、旅行、搜集小玩意儿、听戏、看电影、电视、看表演、做手工、打打小牌……不论古今中外的,她都能接受。她平日工作要接触许多书稿,还要开会、讲话,因此日常生活中尽量让自己轻松,电视节目中的日本相扑、女子体操、布袋戏、地方戏,她也都有兴趣。
她的大女婿曾说:“老子说:‘一日勤,二日俭,三日不为天下先。’对二、三两项,我的岳母是有某种程度保留的,但是对‘勤’一字,当之无愧。”多少年来,她都是每天中午回家做午饭,那时她家里用了一个保姆,每天早上出门上班前,交代保姆把需要炖或红烧的菜先做好再走,中午下班回家一进门,就先奔向厨房,洗个手,系上围裙,一会儿工夫香喷喷的菜就端上桌了。后来,子女陆续出国了,只剩下夫妻两人,也不再用保姆,但她仍坚持每天中午下班做午饭。朋友心疼她说:“海音,你那么忙,就少做中午这顿饭了吧!” 她却乐呵呵地说:“我喜欢做嘛!”
林海音很爱她的丈夫。虽然自己胃口好,什么都吃,但她对父亲的挑食非常“尊重”。家里吃韭菜馅儿饺子时,她一定包一些白菜的给父亲,而且先下锅煮了给他吃;吃涮羊肉时,她一定先为丈夫涮些猪肉片、白菜、粉丝,给他弄好一大碗,然后松口气对孩子们说:“好了,你爸爸那碗弄好了,咱们下羊肉吃吧!”就是这样,60多年来,不论生活上有什么变化,他们永远同心一志。夫妻俩合作建立家庭、办报、编副刊、编杂志、开出版社、著译文章,没有固定假期,但是却忙得开心。两人很少有意见不合的时候,理性的辩论也偶有发生,但却从来没有吵过架。他们交游广阔,却坚守一夫一妻制,没有第三者介入。象他们这样两人常在一起、恩爱一生、相守到老的的确不多,有朋友称他们为“婚姻中的稀有动物”。
林海音热爱生活,善于生活,有一个乐观的生活态度。她说:“我们只是快快乐乐、认认真真地在生活。为了生活快乐,我们花钱不小气,但也不肯浪费;我们工作时严肃,但也不放弃轻松的休闲活动。我们跟大家一样,常为自己着想,但也时时愿意为朋友着想。”
这就是林海音,一个中国著名女作家的平凡生活。在家里,她是一个贤惠的家庭主妇,买菜、做饭、织毛衣、打扫卫生,休闲时也听戏、看电影电视、看表演、甚至还打打小牌;在社会,她是一个热心的公众人物,积极参与公益活动,大力支持公益事业,热情帮助别人,深得岛内文学界的赞誉和爱戴。
林海音是平凡的,然而,她却又是伟大的。她一生写出了那么多不朽的文学作品,留给后世一份宝贵的精神财富。她以一位慈祥奶奶的形象将万古流芳!
- Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 10/11/2010
做过一个很美的梦, 虽然非大团圆, 也是难得的好梦, 填词以记:
【解佩令 ● 仙踪梦舞】
兰风过处,飞花缠雾。紫烟霞、丝竹云度。
碧涧银濂,瀑露台、仙踪茵绿。
闻瑶筝、为君起舞。
红绸点鼓,霓裳春煦。燕翩跹、西子香步。
晧月清莲,映一夕、七星齐聚。
曲难终、醉酣乐曙。
【暗香 2010-09-27】
- Re: RE: 爱情电影posted on 10/22/2010
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