我出院后,老友每天都E给我一个笑话,我今天先登一个他送来的,我希望大家每天都找一个让自己开心的笑话放到这条线下面来。 《读者文摘》很多年都是大陆人的心灵鸡汤,我总是先读那些笑话,以及朱德庸的漫画。
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
- Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/17/2008
It made me laugh:) Sorry, I do not have one at the moment :( - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/17/2008
3mw ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself in his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a joke! I need a joke!" - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/17/2008
Okay I read this somewhere some time ago.
...my son and I were having a nice walk in an affluent neighborhood. A car drove by. Its license plate caught my eyes. It read "SNOBDR". "Oh, look, that guy's a snob doctor", I said. My son turned his head and stared at me for a almost a full minute, like he could't believe what he just heard. "He's a snowboarder, Mom".
- Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/17/2008
hehe, talk about generation gap..
moab wrote:
Okay I read this somewhere some time ago.
...my son and I were having a nice walk in an affluent neighborhood. A car drove by. Its license plate caught my eyes. It read "SNOBDR". "Oh, look, that guy's a snob doctor", I said. My son turned his head and stared at me for a almost a full minute, like he could't believe what he just heard. "He's a snowboarder, Mom".
- Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/17/2008
感觉在sunset那条路走过,看了看地图,更加印证了.怎么就没有发现? - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/18/2008
moab wrote:
3mw ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself in his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a joke! I need a joke!"
Hahaha!You certainly made me laugh the second time:) - posted on 09/18/2008
Tim最近见到我,说我瘦得只剩“傲骨”了。我说我从来就没胖过,现在也没瘦几磅。
He said:then that is a good news. If you were never fat before, and you will never be fat in the future. And the better news is you will not get married again,because you are just not fat enough.
I said: thanks, but why?
He said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
Maya, I am glad you are always single and be yourself.
- posted on 09/18/2008
Well-done. Your friend Tim's taste of humors is almost Jewish.
玛雅 wrote:
Tim最近见到我,说我瘦得只剩“傲骨”了。我说我从来就没胖过,现在也没瘦几磅。
He said:then that is a good news. If you were never fat before, and you will never be fat in the future. And the better news is you will not get married again,because you are just not fat enough.
I said: thanks, but why?
He said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and goes to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
Maya, I am glad you are always single and be yourself.
- posted on 09/18/2008
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer." - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/19/2008
刚看来的,觉得好玩。
——————————————————————
我知道熊猫的愿望。
它有两个愿望。
一个是去掉黑眼圈儿,
另一个是拍一张彩色照片儿。 - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/19/2008
A Priest, seeing a blank signboard on the road side wrote on it: "I pray for all".
A Solicitor wrote underneath:"I plead for all".
A Physician added: "I prescribe for all".
And, a passer-by wrote: "I pay for all". - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/24/2008
A man goes to the doctor for a physical and the doctor informs him that he has to give up women, drinking and smoking.
The man asks, “If I do that will I live longer?” “No” says the doctor, “it will just seem longer!”
- Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/25/2008
在网上搜索中文笑话给大家开心,却找不到什么好的。能搜索到的都是垃圾笑话黄色下流,请有闲的朋友放点中文笑话或者图上来好吗?
再苦的时候也要笑得灿烂。记得那两个字吗?excellent and easy! Everyday is excellent, and everything is easy. - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/25/2008
笑话往往就是因为带色而好笑,没办法,像“半夜叫鸡”,“娇生冠养”、“善解人衣”、“采姑娘的小蘑菇”,“路边的野花不要,踩!”之类。 - posted on 09/26/2008
阔别已久的老板娘玛雅回到Maya Café 后, 觉得café里小资情调太重,室内味道太浓, 决定带领妹妹们走出各自的教室,乐室, 画室和办公室去野营露宿, 接触大自然. 小资妹们拍手雀跃, 兴奋不已...
白云山下, 大家玩的很开心. 又是采花,又是嬉水, 又是野炊,又歌又舞. 最后,一个个都累倒了, 挤在一起睡着了. 夜深人静. 睡梦中玛雅突然惊醒. 她推了推左边的七月, 再摇醒了右边的小慢,又晃醒了和她头顶头的浮生. 指了指天空问她们:
"你们都看到什么了?"
"我们看到了成千上万颗星星", 她们回答到.
玛雅马上问到: "这说明什么?"
七月想了想,说:"根据天体物理学,这说明了我们宇宙有百万个银河系和几十亿个行星".
玛雅不满地摇摇头.
小慢马上说:"根据气象学,这说明明天是好天气".
玛雅失望地叹叹气.
浮生诺有所思地说:"我看到了土星在狮子座. 根据星相学, 这说明要有金融危机".
玛雅无可奈何了. 用脚揣了揣睡在她脚下的阿姗,期待着她的回答.
阿姗揉着眼睛,深情地说:"哇,这么美丽的月亮, 贝多芬就是在这样的月光下写的那首曲子".说罢, 就哼了起来.
玛雅哭笑不得.
已经被吵醒的苦瓜坐起来,郑重地说:"其实这说明,我们中国的月亮可以比美国的亮,我们中国在进步, 美国…"
玛雅真急了, 大声喊到: "我的宝贝们, 我们的帐篷TMD被人家偷走了".
玛雅 wrote:
在网上搜索中文笑话给大家开心,却找不到什么好的。能搜索到的都是垃圾笑话黄色下流,请有闲的朋友放点中文笑话或者图上来好吗?
再苦的时候也要笑得灿烂。记得那两个字吗?excellent and easy! Everyday is excellent, and everything is easy. - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/26/2008
st dude wrote:... ...
"我们看到了成千上万颗星星", 她们回答到.
阿姗揉着眼睛,深情地说:"哇,这么美丽的月亮, 贝多芬就是在这样的月光下写的那首曲子".说罢, 就哼了起来.
浮生继续若有所思地说,“不对呀,月明则星稀,这么美丽的月亮和成千上万颗星星同时出现,邪门儿了,根据星相学,恐怕还不止是金融危机,怕要有全面经济危机”。:) - posted on 09/26/2008
你们玩过电脑对联的游戏吗?
上联:死魔惧怕咖啡笑声
下联:人圣诙谐东西风光
横批:重望高名
上联:感受一丝九月风
下联:触摸半点三更雨
横批:民安国泰
上联:波西塔诺咬得深
下联:云南钟山知不浅
横批:大有可观
上联:揭开同学聚会真面目
下联:买断老师回首旧衣冠
横批:广结良缘
上联:家务的烦恼
下联:国事之愤懑
横批:乐以忘忧
上联:这鸡蛋真难吃
下联:那牛奶不可餐
横批:别有人间
http://duilian.msra.cn/app/couplet.aspx - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/26/2008
老圣改编福尔摩斯的笑话改得不错。呵呵。幽默感一如既往啊。
我以后要留意中文笑话,有的话,转上来。玛雅的活力恢复了,咖啡马上就不一样了。
多久没看到老圣啊,华他们了。
连令狐都活跃了,想当半仙了。以后叫他狐仙。 - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 09/26/2008
帐篷是st dude拿走的吧?后院搭个温室苗圃,产量还能翻番:)
阿姗这个对联好玩,尤其后面那个,有点“衣冠”“禽兽”暴露真面目了:))
阿姗 wrote:
上联:波西塔诺咬得深
下联:云南钟山知不浅
横批:大有可观
上联:揭开同学聚会真面目
下联:买断老师回首旧衣冠
横批:广结良缘
- posted on 09/26/2008
1.美国:班长。家里有钱,人长得也强壮,学习成绩很好但也爱打架,做事蛮横无理,班里同学一般都不敢顶撞他。和副班长关系不好。
2.俄罗斯:副班长。学习成绩好,全班最高大,上学期光和班长顶着干。后来家里出事:分家!现在做事很消极,但在班级里有一定的影响力。
3.英国:学习委员,学习成绩好。家里也很富。班长的跟屁虫,做事没主见,啥都听班长的。前些天和班长把伊拉克打了一顿。
4.瑞士:美术课代表。班花。学习成绩好,不跟别人勾三搭四,很文静很内向。
5.阿根廷:体育课代表的同桌,不久前和学习委员打架打输了,现在每次体育课都抱着学习委员狂整。
6.阿富汗:无职务。成绩差。身材矮小。上学期被副班长打,班长帮忙付医药费。前几天把班长家最高的两个家具砸了,被班长揍个半死,现在失忆中。
7.伊拉克:无职务,学习差。但人高马大,上学期排全班第四。嘴硬,上学期欺负同桌被群殴。前些天被班长和学习委员冲进他家揍个稀巴烂。
8.科威特:职务无,伊拉克同桌,以前老被伊拉克欺负,幸好有班长撑腰。
9.埃及:历史课代表,成绩平平,家里有金字塔,所以当历史课代表。
10.伊朗:职务无,成绩不好,偶尔也顶撞班长,这几天顶劲更大了。家里刚刚发生地震,班里为他家举行了募捐活动。
11.印度:因为好玩电脑,成了电脑课代表,特点看似敦实却不厚道,经常和同桌巴基斯坦为一块课桌吵架。
12.巴基斯坦:无职务。印度同桌,身材不高,成绩也不怎么样,跟团支书关系不错,所以敢经常和印度顶着干。
13.澳大利亚:职务无,学习中等偏上,管学习委员叫老大,做事没主见,学习委员说一他不敢说二。
14.以色列:职务无,成绩不错,但就是看同桌巴勒斯坦不舒服,动不动就凑人家一顿。
15.巴勒斯坦:职务无,身材瘦弱,没家庭背景,经常被以色列揍得打落牙齿也只能往肚里咽。
16.德国:劳动委员(尚未经班委会通过,代任中)学习勤奋又比较吃苦耐劳,成绩也很好。上学期打了两次架,结果害得当时的班长──英国今年落选。
17.日本:无职位,学习成绩很好。思想品德很{巨}差,人龌龊鬼点子多,上学期因为欺负人、抢东西被班长带人狂揍,被打成半身不遂,伤好后不思悔改,现在又开始'惦记'团支书家的鱼缸了。
18.越南:无职位。学习成绩差。瘦弱。上学期被班长揍,幸好有副班长和团支书撑腰。后又挑衅团支书,被狂揍。
19.朝鲜:无职位,团支书同桌,学习成绩差,嘴却很硬,经常得罪班长,班长几次扬言要揍他,碍于其同桌团支书才没动手。
20.中国:团支书。幼儿园、小学学习成绩很好。小学毕业时由于贪睡、不爱出门运动、体质差常被欺负。上学期和本学期进步很快。有正义感,该出手时不手软。上学期为了同桌朝鲜和班长打了一架。现在成绩进步很快,身体锻炼的也较好,常常做梦都想收拾几个人出出气,因怕影响学习成绩而经常忍气吞声,班长为此很'担心'。 - posted on 09/27/2008
Adult Riddles:
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
- posted on 11/14/2008
自从发现博客有了搜索功能,我就乐此不疲。比如今天,我随便输入了"公车"两个字,就发现了许多有意思的故事……
公车司机的blog: 今天,我照常上班。车到了省医院,上来一个老头儿。我播放了一下车载广播:"请为老弱病残孕让座。"可没过一会儿,后边就乱成一锅粥了,许多年轻人对老大爷拉拉扯扯,坚持要给他让座。我就纳闷儿了:这大爷长得也不像李嘉诚啊?我开了十几年车,这样豪华的让座阵容我还从没见过……
中年女人的blog: 今天一如往常,坐公车去上班;一如往常,还是没座。现在的年轻人素质真是差,一个老大爷上车,广播里号召大家让个座位,满车的小青年呀,竟都装作没听见。谁都会有上年纪的那一天,怎么就不能将心比心呢?最后,竟是一个外国人主动站了起来,我实在看不下去了,就跟这帮小青年说:"我们的传统美德哪儿去了?满车人让一个外宾让座,这不是抽咱五千年文明的脸吗?"这句话还真管用,许多小青年都站起来了。
业务青年的blog: 累呀,昨天又跑了一天。干我们这行,整天在城市里穿梭,公车又挤得要命,往往一站就是一整天。今天好不容易有个座儿,却上来一个老大爷。他一上车就盯着我们看,显然想找个座位。真不是我不懂得尊老爱幼,我们整天东奔西跑,腿都快跑折了,再年轻也知道累啊。他们老年人可好,每天跑很远去公园晨练,在单杠上一吊就是一上午。我特别不明白的是:你们在公园吊着都不觉得累,在车上多站一会儿又怎么了?那大爷只是头发白了,看脸色比我还红润呢。但后来,有一个外国人要让座,我们就坐不住了,不能输给外国人呀。于是,我让大爷坐我的座位,虽然累了一些,但我觉得值,至少为民族的尊严做了一点儿贡献嘛
外国留学生的blog:(原文是英文,我试着翻译一下)我的汉语还是没有进步,这实在太难了。今天,我坐公车去学校,上来一位老大爷。在我们国家是不能给男人让座的,因为年纪再大,也是男子汉,尊严上不能受这种侵犯。快到学校了,我站起来准备下车,没想到一个女人向大家说了些什么,一下子就过来几个年轻人按住了我,死活不让我下去。过了好几站,我看没人注意我了,才偷偷溜掉,顶着太阳又往回走了三站多。我现在都不知道是怎么回事儿,那位女士的钱包丢了吗?怎么不让人下车呢?
发如雪的blog: 今天,新染了头发。上了公车,我就迫不及待地想看看人们的反应。可车上的人都避开了我的目光,一个个装作没看见我。后来,一个外国人站了起来,接着几乎全车人都站了起来,非要我坐下不可,怎么解释都不听。天哪,我才十八呀,以后再也不敢把头发染成这么前卫的颜色了…… - posted on 11/17/2008
- posted on 11/17/2008
- posted on 11/24/2008
She is a great comedian. Love youtube.
- Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 02/11/2009
zt:
通 知
为缓解今年就业压力,教育部出台新学位制度,博士学位毕业后可继续攻读壮士,四年壮士毕业可攻读勇士,勇士毕业可攻读猛士,读完还可攻读圣斗士学位,毕业后如仍找不到工作的,请攻读股市,然后直接拿烈士学位.
国家教育总局 - Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 02/11/2009
没说有角斗士?推荐在攻读烈士之前先读这个学位。 - posted on 04/16/2010
- Re: 【Laugh factory】 笑工厂posted on 05/16/2010
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